Tooling about the internet the other day, we came a different kind of review of the new Star Trek movie, courtesy of the San Francisco’s Examiner’s own Dino-Ray Ramos: A fashion writer reviews ‘Star Trek.’

Sound like a stretch? That’s what we thought at first. But the more we thought about it, the more we decided that maybe these two industries are not so dissimilar after all. Ponder, if you will, the following:

1. They have run out of ideas.

Ramos points out: “With fashion, we have seen inappropriate comebacks of ’80s and ’90s trends: broad Working Girl shoulders, glaring neon colors and grotesque acid wash. In a way, I see the recycling of trends as a way of saying, ‘We have run out of ideas.'”

In the past few years, we have watched new Star Wars films in leggings and new Battlestar Galactica epis in mom jeans. We have viewed not one, but two separate brand new Incredible Hulks and at least the third incarnation of Batman – all while wearing neon nail polish that you could have stored in your Hulk or Batman lunch box in second grade.

2. They try to sell you not what you need – but what they think they can convince you that you need.

You might not need 10 new dresses every spring, but you sure feel like you do, don’t you? Ditto for that film everyone is talking about. Being part of our culture currently means being up on pop culture. You have to know what everyone is talking about, and you’ll have no one to compliment you on your new clothes.

3. The textiles look great on the stage (either movie screen or runway) but generally terrible in real life.

We like to wait for a deal, which means that we’re often viewing clothes on the runway that we won’t get to buy until they go to the sale bin. And then sometimes you find that what looks like linen under the lights is really some kind of cotton blend that has all of the wrinkles and none of the style.

This is actually the reverse of the new Star Trek movie, in which, we have heard, they have none of the wrinkles and all of the style.
4. They worship youth … but only for ladies.

Runway models are 14 (claiming 16 in some cities, depending on the local regs.) Ingenues are perhaps 10 years older. Leading men can go on acting until the dirt hits their casket. (Harrison Ford might actually keep going after that.)

5. They love alien babes. Look at this lady, at left. Enough said.

Photo of model wearing Agatha Ruiz De La Prada Fall/Winter 2009/2010 via Best Week Ever.